Writing About Painful Experiences: Hurting, Healing, and Helping

Updated February 11, 2025

Writing is a journey, and many people use writing to heal old wounds. It's important to work through the pain so you can craft a helpful version of your story to share with readers. Are you ready for that next step? Everyone can write about painful experiences by following these three steps.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” I stopped typing as my son’s question registered. His bright blond hair and blue eyes pulled me back from the nightmare I was writing. “You’re crying.” I grabbed a tissue and smiled.

“Mommy’s fine, Baby. I’m just writing a hurting story.”

I couldn’t tell him that I had just typed “rock bottom was laced with razor blades.” Writing a book full of abuse stories was tough, but they ended in hope and redemption. They were what I needed when I was at my worst. My waterproof keyboard was a strategic choice.

Previously, I had tried to write heartbreaking stories from an intellectual place. I used compelling words and images as I tried to keep my heart intact. The resulting stories were lifeless and heartless. Failure. These stories needed to breach the protective walls and reach hurting women’s hearts with understanding and hope.

I needed to go to those agonizing places and feel my heart being crushed, my mind being tormented, my body being defiled, and my spirit being shattered.

Why write this type of material at all? I had learned the value of writing in pain rather than writhing in pain. Writing helps get the pain out so we can process it faster and not have to writhe for as long.

Each of these stages has benefits.

Step 1: Write a Hurting Version

First, you need to write while you’re writhing. Writing about painful experiences while you're still hurting can act as a release valve, allowing you to express emotions such as sadness, anger, or fear without judgment. These feelings may reduce in intensity over time, but putting your internal pain on paper—unfiltered—can provide you with clarity and catharsis. 

Secondly, we need to write as we’re healing so we can understand what we’re learning and how we’re growing through the pain. This helps us clarify our journey and speeds up the healing process.

• Reflecting on your journey from pain to healing helps you put things into perspective and better understand yourself.
• Knowing how hopeless you may have felt during your grieving process, writing while you're healing can give hope to others who are just beginning to experience Step 1. 
• Writing while healing can help you realize that what you went through was actually a learning opportunity. You'll be better prepared to deal with trauma going forward, should you have to.

Step 3: Write a Helping Version

Thirdly, we need to write after we’ve healed to help others find healing. This gives meaning and adds value to our painful experience. This version can also inspire deeper levels of healing.

The only version I publish is the third version. I tell the raw brokenness from a place of healing so that it can help others. I don’t want to depress and drag others down. I don’t want to add to their pain. I want to let the reader know she’s not alone, and that there is hope.

Reading stories or poems of pain without healing added to my depression. I knew I never wanted to add to anyone’s struggle. I wanted to help them find healing.

After “rock bottom is laced with razor blades” came the part about the angelic lady who told me her story to let me know I’d survive the pain. She had found joy and happiness in life despite a story similar to mine.

When I finished the short story, I smiled and started a tickle war with my son. As an athletic child, wrestling is his primary love language. We tried to keep it quiet so that the downstairs neighbor wouldn’t accuse us of “thumping.”

There is healing to be found when you write through the pain. Grab a pen, some paper, and maybe a couple of tissues—and get started.