Ex-CIA Officer Ann Butler On Her Double Life as an Undercover Agent and Mom of Five

Ann Butler has spent her life striving to find the balance between being a wife, a mother, and a spy. She's now sharing her story, full of both very challenging as well as very rewarding moments, in her memoir, Wife, Mother, Spy.

In 1986, Butler began a 27-year career as an undercover officer in the CIA’s Directorate of Operations. Her work with the CIA required her family to move every few years to a different city, country, or continent. Her mission was simple: recruit spies and collect intelligence, to help protect the United States. 

She and her husband have been married for 37 years and have five children. 

What made you want to turn your life experiences into a memoir? Was there a particular moment that sparked the idea, and what was it like shaping those memories into a story? 

After I retired and thought about the amazing and interesting life my family and I had led, I decided that I wanted to write it all down as a legacy for my children. I wanted them to know more about why we lived the life we lived and why we made the decisions we made. I wanted to write it all down so they would be able to look back and remember the people we met, the places we went, the things we saw. 

Also, after my mom died unexpectedly when I was in my early 20’s, my father wrote a memoir of his time with my mom—their entire life together. He bound the pages and made four copies, one for me and each of my three brothers. That amazing gesture has always stayed with me and inspired me to write my story down for my children. 

Once I started writing pieces, memories of our life traveling, exciting moments and difficult moments, struggles and joys, it just flowed. I was able to spill onto the paper all my emotions of having this career while raising my children…emotions I had bottled up for a long time.

How did you become a spy at the CIA, and how rare was it for a woman (particularly a mother of five) to get to the level you achieved in your career? 

Throughout high school and into college, I began to realize I really wanted to work in the international sector. Especially after studying abroad in France my sophomore year in college, then spending a year doing post-grad work in Belgium, I knew I wanted a career that would allow me to work and live overseas. So, upon graduation I applied to all kinds of international type jobs—positions with non-profit organizations based overseas, international banks, multinational corporations—and the CIA. It was a long process but after many interviews and lots of questions, I began a 27-year-long career with the CIA’s Directorate of Operations. 

While there were women operations officers when I began in the CIA and there are even more now, it remains very unusual to find a female officer who, while establishing her career and moving through the ranks of the Clandestine Service, gives birth to, and raises five children along the way. 

Don't miss Ann Butler on a recent episode of The TODAY Show's Sunday Spotlight

Serving your country and being a mother are both incredibly demanding roles. How did you navigate the emotional and practical challenges of balancing the two, and did you ever feel torn between your job and your family? 

It was difficult at times. I had to stay focused and on task. I had very little time to myself. All my time was devoted to either my job or my family. I had to make lists and stick with my plan. I had to think ahead, prepare. I was able to do both…work my job, look for people to recruit, handle my agents, grocery shop, attend my kids' performances, make dinner, then start all over again.  I never had to choose between career and family. I was committed to give my attention, my commitment to both. It took all my time, but it was worth it. 

You spent lots of time overseas working in this career, moving every few years. What was your favorite adventure along the way? 

Every single place we lived, every place we traveled to was extraordinary in its own way. Looking back, it always comes down to the people we met. I think of the neighbors we had across the street, the friends we made through our children who played together, the people we needed to count on when we needed someone to watch our children as my husband and I rushed to the hospital for yet another birth; the people we socialized with, the nannies who were devoted to our children, the colleagues I leaned on because they understood our life.  

What is the trick to managing secrecy around a sensitive career while also being present with your family?    

I was well trained. I knew how to protect myself and my family. I knew what to do to ensure we were safe and not put in harm’s way. It was a priority to me to make sure we were safe. My husband knew where I worked, though he never knew any of the details of what I was doing or who I was talking to day to day. My eldest daughter learned where I worked when she was in middle school. She learned from a friend of hers, the daughter of my boss. My other children all learned the evening before my retirement party so I could bring them into our HQS building for the ceremony.  

What key lessons or skills did you take away from your CIA career? Are there any that have proven particularly useful in your life outside the agency? 

The CIA recruits people who generally already have certain skills—flexibility, adaptability, ability to make decisions, to pivot quickly if necessary. They have the ability to elicit information, the willingness to remain “under the radar” or “in the shadows.” Fortunately, I possessed those skills, used them throughout my career, and maintain them to this day. 

Do you have a favorite anecdote included in your memoir, and why?   

I was traveling, by train, across several countries heading to an important agent meeting. It was a long, long journey. I was also almost nine months pregnant. The issue was that I was not traveling in my true name. The entire three day journey I was worried about going into labor, thinking about how I would handle it all…going to a hospital and giving birth. All in a different name. But I was also worried that if I did go into labor, I would miss the meeting with my agent—a meeting that had been meticulously planned months before and if missed, would cause all kinds of complications that might put my agent at risk. This operation was a perfect example of how my two lives, career and family, intersected—something that happened over and over and over.  

How has your experience been launching and promoting this book as an indie author? Do you have any advice for future indie authors? 

It has been amazing. At first, I was surprised anyone would be interested in my story, as I always thought my life was just that of any other working mom. Now I realize, as my story gets more and more buzz, that it is indeed quite a unique one. I’m so glad I went with the self-publishing route, it ultimately gave me a lot more creative control on the final product. My advice is simply that if you have a story to tell, don’t hesitate to share it with the world. Your story can indeed have an impact for others that you would never have expected.    

Dive into the secrets and sacrifices of Ann’s remarkable life with her memoir Wife, Mother, Spy! 

What do you hope readers take away from this book?  

I want people, especially women, to realize that with a bit of tenacity, some sacrifice, hard work and focus they, too, can “have it all”: a fulfilling, important career and a wonderful, gratifying personal life. I also want people to remember to be grateful for the opportunities they have, because those opportunities can turn into extraordinary moments.  

What’s something people would be surprised to know about you?  

Despite my rigorous, demanding job and having three small children at home, I trained for and ran the Paris marathon. I reached both of my goals: to finish the marathon running and to run it in under four hours. I trained on long, dusty roads outside the city of the Northern African location we were in at the time. I ran the marathon and finished the race in 3 hrs, 50 minutes!  

Who is your biggest inspiration? 

My father is my hero. He was smart, compassionate, kind, considerate. He was a wonderful son to his parents and a wonderful husband to my mom. Despite challenges he had in life—and he had many—he always thought of others first. My dad was an explorer, a life long learner. He loved travel. He loved his family. For lots of reasons, he was and will always be my inspiration.